MESS REPORT mar 2009
Notice inside our mess
“DON’T WASTE FOOD, PLEASE CO-OPERATE”
but where is the 'food' dude?? I see only 'waste'.....
It is one of those kind of indirect attack upon your minds in which the actual message is something hidden from the eye, but which is caught by the sub-conscious mind, which then follows the instructions properly. And it succeeds in conveying its meaning rather well as, we all do cooperate when we ‘Food’ upon ‘waste’ only.
Well I personally have a very himalayan opinion of our mess food. People from southern states tell me it is not southie food. And I am very sure it is not northie either. And yes it is not from east or west part of India either, unless off course if they include tribes of Andaman & Nicobar Islands and claim it is their food. Since they don’t claim so let’s just call it ‘STUFF’ but not food.
The IIT mess food...or STUFF is pure poetry. It has all the rasas contained in it. Whether it be the bhibhtsa rasa (in the form of ingredients), veer rasa (inherent in the students who eat it), hasya rasa (of mess managers who often can’t believe that students digested the stuff prepared and are happy about the their achievement in passing of the stuff as food), karuna rasa (when my parents tell me I have lost another 5 kgs this sem), bhakti rasa (we all pray that the food should do us no harm and we will escape unscathed by the divine grace of God). *
And yes how can I forget that complaint in the register at SGR mess
“SGR lemon juice is nothing but diluted water”
Here is the body of the letter send by you-know-who-the-all-powerful (I cannot name him as he might discover this blog and then you-know-how-much fine might be levied on me)... showing his add-a-relation-of-your-choice-ly concern for our bellies........
The context in which the letter was issued can be inferred from the contents of the letter.
“Dear Students,
Regular mess menu will resume from tomorrow. To make for the loss of nutrients suffered by the bodies of students, extra serving of lizard tail, cockroach, stones, cement pieces, etc will be served. It is expected that serving of these extras (without charging anything or taking any coupons) will diversify the mostly carbohydrates and fat based diet currently being served by mess, and it will then include more proteins, vitamins, minerals, transuranic substances (which may well convert some of you to Indian version of Clark Kent or may be our very own Shaktiman or Shaktivan or Balvan or Bhima or Bhim-boy or Aboorvamanidhan) as well. **
The measures have been taken after it was reported by the institute hospital that many students are suffering from severe deficiency of protein (lack of original, raw animal parts in food), minerals (lack of rocks, stones, mud, gravel, paint chips, boulders) and other life-sustaining nutrients.
The food served from tomorrow would be boosted with additional supplements (birds, dogs, grasshoppers, etc). In addition they will be using shrubs and bushes from forest to supply much required fibre in diet. Eventually, it is hoped that the students will emerge as healthy as Spartans who used to eat most nutritious meals ever cooked in human history.
Also the administration has found (as a result of a secretly done research) that the principle reason behind receding hairlines is serious deficiency of protein keratin in diet. So the mess workers will be encouraged to prepare foods with generous droppings ....sorry addition of hair (preferably from the skull area) which would act as dietary supplement. This would be a unique case of socio-medical service done to students by the mess (Medical is understood, sociological because better scalp means better chances in matters of matrimony).
PAN-IIT Guinea-Bisau chapter had also reported in the recent PAN-IIT meet that in this period of global recession students should be encouraged to take up jobs anywhere in the world. And ability to digest whatever is supplied to them (usually a concoction of organic, inorganic, metallic, ceramic, plastic trans-ur-an(us)ic substances) is of very crucial importance in serving and surviving anywhere in the world.
Also, to make sure that the students have their dinner on time, those students who will come late will be subjected to a striptease session by the mess manager and his staff after 9 o clock every night. They will also be given a live demonstration about the alternative uses of mess building (a big dormitory, a big laundry or simply a place where, if you switch on all the fans, all students can dry up their clothes on a rainy day).
The administration wants students to really notice the fact that they are being served food by world’s most unique mess and food is cooked by none other than the stars of ratatouille themselves. Where else will you find cutting edge scientific discoveries treated as a daily menu? The dark matter, discovering which, was the prime objective of 27 kms of tunnelling done by European idiots somewhere near Geneva. They could have simply outsourced it to CR managers who would have supplied it in voluminous amounts at a fraction of 7 billion or so pounds wasted in that ratinine project. It is a matter of debate in western intellectual s(ir)kulls whether IITians derive their superhuman abilities from the daily consumption of this dark matter served along with papads,paranthas etc in IIT Mess. May the force be with us.
The IIT Mess is especially renowned for the out-of-the-world joys given by the food served. Whether it be the transcen-dental joy of biting into rock rice on a sunny afternoon, which takes you on a momentary odyssey through the cosmos past all the stars, nebulas, quasars which even astronomy club junta might not have seen or the heavenly symphony of the overjoyed vessels which provides a perfect background score for the occasion or be it the redolent recycling plant.
We hope that the legendary IIT mess menu will continue to provide the best brains in the country with the best of ‘survivor diet’ possible, which will make them capable of serving in any country around the world.
P.S.: Students are requested to stop peeing on the plants on either side of road around institute or generally anywhere, as these plants may very likely end up in next day Rasam or Sambhar being served in the mess.”
*factually wrong about the rasas and their nature here, but the purpose is served by being factually incorrect.
** i dont know tamil well...the names were suggested by a mighty munk who has replaced
but where is the 'food' dude?? I see only 'waste'.....
It is one of those kind of indirect attack upon your minds in which the actual message is something hidden from the eye, but which is caught by the sub-conscious mind, which then follows the instructions properly. And it succeeds in conveying its meaning rather well as, we all do cooperate when we ‘Food’ upon ‘waste’ only.
Well I personally have a very himalayan opinion of our mess food. People from southern states tell me it is not southie food. And I am very sure it is not northie either. And yes it is not from east or west part of India either, unless off course if they include tribes of Andaman & Nicobar Islands and claim it is their food. Since they don’t claim so let’s just call it ‘STUFF’ but not food.
The IIT mess food...or STUFF is pure poetry. It has all the rasas contained in it. Whether it be the bhibhtsa rasa (in the form of ingredients), veer rasa (inherent in the students who eat it), hasya rasa (of mess managers who often can’t believe that students digested the stuff prepared and are happy about the their achievement in passing of the stuff as food), karuna rasa (when my parents tell me I have lost another 5 kgs this sem), bhakti rasa (we all pray that the food should do us no harm and we will escape unscathed by the divine grace of God). *
And yes how can I forget that complaint in the register at SGR mess
“SGR lemon juice is nothing but diluted water”
Here is the body of the letter send by you-know-who-the-all-powerful (I cannot name him as he might discover this blog and then you-know-how-much fine might be levied on me)... showing his add-a-relation-of-your-choice-ly concern for our bellies........
The context in which the letter was issued can be inferred from the contents of the letter.
“Dear Students,
Regular mess menu will resume from tomorrow. To make for the loss of nutrients suffered by the bodies of students, extra serving of lizard tail, cockroach, stones, cement pieces, etc will be served. It is expected that serving of these extras (without charging anything or taking any coupons) will diversify the mostly carbohydrates and fat based diet currently being served by mess, and it will then include more proteins, vitamins, minerals, transuranic substances (which may well convert some of you to Indian version of Clark Kent or may be our very own Shaktiman or Shaktivan or Balvan or Bhima or Bhim-boy or Aboorvamanidhan) as well. **
The measures have been taken after it was reported by the institute hospital that many students are suffering from severe deficiency of protein (lack of original, raw animal parts in food), minerals (lack of rocks, stones, mud, gravel, paint chips, boulders) and other life-sustaining nutrients.
The food served from tomorrow would be boosted with additional supplements (birds, dogs, grasshoppers, etc). In addition they will be using shrubs and bushes from forest to supply much required fibre in diet. Eventually, it is hoped that the students will emerge as healthy as Spartans who used to eat most nutritious meals ever cooked in human history.
Also the administration has found (as a result of a secretly done research) that the principle reason behind receding hairlines is serious deficiency of protein keratin in diet. So the mess workers will be encouraged to prepare foods with generous droppings ....sorry addition of hair (preferably from the skull area) which would act as dietary supplement. This would be a unique case of socio-medical service done to students by the mess (Medical is understood, sociological because better scalp means better chances in matters of matrimony).
PAN-IIT Guinea-Bisau chapter had also reported in the recent PAN-IIT meet that in this period of global recession students should be encouraged to take up jobs anywhere in the world. And ability to digest whatever is supplied to them (usually a concoction of organic, inorganic, metallic, ceramic, plastic trans-ur-an(us)ic substances) is of very crucial importance in serving and surviving anywhere in the world.
Also, to make sure that the students have their dinner on time, those students who will come late will be subjected to a striptease session by the mess manager and his staff after 9 o clock every night. They will also be given a live demonstration about the alternative uses of mess building (a big dormitory, a big laundry or simply a place where, if you switch on all the fans, all students can dry up their clothes on a rainy day).
The administration wants students to really notice the fact that they are being served food by world’s most unique mess and food is cooked by none other than the stars of ratatouille themselves. Where else will you find cutting edge scientific discoveries treated as a daily menu? The dark matter, discovering which, was the prime objective of 27 kms of tunnelling done by European idiots somewhere near Geneva. They could have simply outsourced it to CR managers who would have supplied it in voluminous amounts at a fraction of 7 billion or so pounds wasted in that ratinine project. It is a matter of debate in western intellectual s(ir)kulls whether IITians derive their superhuman abilities from the daily consumption of this dark matter served along with papads,paranthas etc in IIT Mess. May the force be with us.
The IIT Mess is especially renowned for the out-of-the-world joys given by the food served. Whether it be the transcen-dental joy of biting into rock rice on a sunny afternoon, which takes you on a momentary odyssey through the cosmos past all the stars, nebulas, quasars which even astronomy club junta might not have seen or the heavenly symphony of the overjoyed vessels which provides a perfect background score for the occasion or be it the redolent recycling plant.
We hope that the legendary IIT mess menu will continue to provide the best brains in the country with the best of ‘survivor diet’ possible, which will make them capable of serving in any country around the world.
P.S.: Students are requested to stop peeing on the plants on either side of road around institute or generally anywhere, as these plants may very likely end up in next day Rasam or Sambhar being served in the mess.”
*factually wrong about the rasas and their nature here, but the purpose is served by being factually incorrect.
** i dont know tamil well...the names were suggested by a mighty munk who has replaced
capes with long kurtas
and yes a last one...not quite good though
Dear Shivraj,
ReplyDeleteIt was nice to read your blog.Graphs n all creative stuff was wonderful.
atishay
atishayjain.blogspot.com
:D
ReplyDeleteMy empathies! But yay! We are getting a new caterer.