Saraswati Hostel Holi Celebration @ IIT MADRAS

Standard Operational Procedure (SOP) for welcoming an outsider into Saraswati Hostel on Holi.

1) Mix paint, grease, mud, cow-dung, normal Holi colors, and industrial dies in equal proportions into the shallow region of hostel quadrangle, preferably in an area measuring 4mtr by 4 mtr.

2) Don’t forget to add water also to the above mixture.

3) Apply generous amounts of the above mixture to your body. This helps in hiding your identity as you are only recognisable as a human form (irrespective of whether you are wearing a turban or not). Also protects you against any outside attacks or from any other colour of any hue, tint or shade from getting on to your body.

4) As soon as any outsider enters your hostel pounce upon him and capture him before he is able to make any kind of hasty retreat or mount any formidable challenge. The ferocity of your attack should defeat him and force him into a tame surrender.

5) Drag the captured hapless victim to the prepared altar. And then drag him across the area 5 times.

6) Apply the mixture to every exposed part of body, including ears and eyelids.

7) With a constant chanting of the name of Dionysus or Bacchus tear up all (all means all, no exceptions) the clothes of the victim (the above ceremony is a remnant of ancient Greek practice of tearing up a wild animal limb from limb, and eating it raw then and there), but yes, do not eat him (I am not chauvinist but usually ‘her’ is an impossibility for the above ritual).

8) Apply the mixture to the remaining parts of the victim’s body. Preferably give him an instant teeth re-colouring (white to green, black, red, pink etc) massage as well.

9) Leave the victim alone for a few seconds, so as to enable him to regain senses. Help him in collecting the rags and tying them together so as to enable him to enter the civilised world once again with his dignity properly covered at least the most important part of it.

10) Give the victim a generous helping of milk shake so as to recharge his body.

11) Send him away, so that he can write a blog praising your Holi celebrating capacities.

The pictures will be uploaded soon so as to give the reader a more visual gyaan about the Ritual

For starters the ritual cost is as follows (based on experience)

1. 1 half pant
2. 1 Shirt
3. 1 Lock ( if you loose your key in the process, which your's truly did)
4. ANY other piece of clothing which you happen to be wearing